Confessions.

Since i was a kid i was never a very self-conscious person, i live by my rules and i am very confident. Ironically,  I've never really known what confidence really is, the ability to speak in public? being able to be yourself and not afraid of showing it?. We all have our own ideas of what it is. I live a carefree life, or atleast i like to believe that i am. These are few of the things that i usually and constantly think about everyday and i think it's starting to affect my brain, lol.

But anyways, what i really want to talk about is my body. Like i mentioned before i was never self-conscious of myself and that includes my body, i was a skinny kid, scrawny kid and that doesn't bother me then i grew fatter surprisingly i took it in a positive way, i was getting hold of my body and i am very confident with what i have/had. I still remember this one girl said to me that i was fat, and i gladly replied "Yes i am and your dumb, im guessing it's genetics, send my regards to your mum" or somewhere along those lines. I use to say things as it is, i never really cared who'd be listening. I was what you would call 'a bitch'. Then when i was in form 2, puberty kicks in and i grew tall, and skinny. That made me a bigger bitch, but i wasn't those kind of bitches that you would usually see on tv, i don't provoke people im the type that would bust your balls if you provoke me. Yeah im that kind. Although i was a huge bully since i was a kid but that's another story. Along came form 5, by then i wasn't the kind that would walk through the rain and smile like a bitch, no, i became insecure. Yes what you read is correct and i guarantee you that it's me who wrote this. You might find it surprising unless you're really close to me then you know that such a thing as insecurity would ever hit me. Would it be appropriate if i say i was a good actor? Yeah that's how i hide it.

You know what got me through all this? Good friends, family support, a whole lot of tears and DVD's. Yes these are the things that made me who i am today, cheesy, i know. But hey this is my blog and i decide what's cheesy around here. lol. Frankly, without them i might just possibly be a bitter piece and i wouldn't wear colorful socks to school or carry around a ridiculous fluorescent orange bag. Yeah that's pretty much late. Wow it took me forever and an hour to write this. But i guess it's worth it.

xx
Mahyuddin